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meaningless drivel

jokes

Dennis Barrow

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Posts: 982

Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana

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posted 1 month ago

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No debt.
Perfect weight.
8 hours of sleep.
Great Mental Health.
Healthy food.
No alcohol.
That was my peak!
I was 8 years old.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

Jay Angler

master steward

Posts: 15850

Location: Pacific Wet Coast

10275

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posted 1 month ago

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What is a web developer’s favourite tea?

URL Grey.

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Anna Hutchins

Posts: 44

Location: Central Kansas. Zone: 6b

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posted 4 weeks ago

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I went shopping for cherries and a microphone stand today.

Bought a bing. Bought a boom.

John F Dean

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Posts: 8732

Location: southern Illinois, USA

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posted 3 weeks ago

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My wife bought a used Bow Flex. With the help of a ramp I managed to unload it from the truck. I would need human help to get it inside. So I took a break until my helper arrived. Of course, when he did, the BowFlex was covered with chickens. They were working on their pecks.

You can only be young once … but you can be immature forever!

Mark Reed

pollinator

Posts: 795

Location: SE Indiana

468

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posted 3 weeks ago

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Not really a joke, the last post about the bow-flex just made me think of it.
When my mom sent us out to get a chicken for supper, she didn't mean go the store.
Hey you in the red feathers, I saw you shit on my bicycle seat this morning. You won't be doing that again.

Nothing ruins a neighborhood like paved roads and water lines.

Pearl Sutton

steward & bricolagier

Posts: 16255

Location: SW Missouri

12647

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posted 3 weeks ago

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The meteorologist who developed the Heat Index passed away yesterday.

He was 88, but felt like 95.

Gardens in my mind never need water
Castles in the air never have a wet basement
Well made buildings are fractal -- equally intelligent design at every level of detail.
Bright sparks remind others that they too can dance
What I am looking for is looking for me too!

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Pearl Sutton

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Posts: 16255

Location: SW Missouri

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posted 3 weeks ago

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On the day my son turned four, I told him I didn't recognize him. it was like I'd never seen him be four.

Jay Angler

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Posts: 15850

Location: Pacific Wet Coast

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posted 3 weeks ago

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The tea and coffee are married, but the tea leaves. Does that give the coffee grounds for divorce?

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Pearl Sutton

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Location: SW Missouri

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posted 3 weeks ago

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Thoughts that keep me awake at night....
How long does it take a giraffe to throw up?

Pearl Sutton

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Posts: 16255

Location: SW Missouri

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posted 2 weeks ago

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A pizza is basically a real-time pie chart of how much pizza is left.

Pearl Sutton

steward & bricolagier

Posts: 16255

Location: SW Missouri

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posted 2 weeks ago

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Why don't we pronounce the "meow" in homeowner?

Jay Angler

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Posts: 15850

Location: Pacific Wet Coast

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posted 2 weeks ago

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What kind of lizard tells jokes?

A stand up chameleon.

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Dennis Barrow

pollinator

Posts: 982

Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana

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posted 2 weeks ago

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Did you hear about the new rule in Hawaii?
Your not aloud to laugh loud anymore.
You have to keep it at aloha.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

Matt McSpadden

gardener

Posts: 3255

Location: Central Maine (Zone 5a)

1798

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posted 2 weeks ago

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The USDA announced today that they are planning to outlaw round bales of hay, citing concern that cows are not getting a square meal every day.

"When the whole world is running towards a cliff, he who is running in the opposite direction appears to have lost his mind." C.S. Lewis
Visit https://themaineingredient.com for organic, premium dried culinary herbs that are grown, processed, and packaged in the USA.

Matt McSpadden

gardener

Posts: 3255

Location: Central Maine (Zone 5a)

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posted 1 week ago

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Conversation over text with an old friend.

Hob: "How are you doing?"

Nob: "I don't know..."

Hob: "What's wrong?"

Nob: "About three years ago my doctor said I was starting to go deaf... and I haven't heard from him since".

Pearl Sutton

steward & bricolagier

Posts: 16255

Location: SW Missouri

12647

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posted 1 week ago

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When does a bad joke turn into a dad joke?

When it becomes apparent.

Jay Angler

master steward

Posts: 15850

Location: Pacific Wet Coast

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posted 1 week ago

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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."

I bought her a bathroom scale.

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Jay Angler

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Posts: 15850

Location: Pacific Wet Coast

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posted 1 week ago

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What time period did lizards come from?

Gecko-roman era.

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Matt McSpadden

gardener

Posts: 3255

Location: Central Maine (Zone 5a)

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posted 1 week ago

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Since flour comes from grains and cinnamon comes from a tree... does that make cinnamon rolls a salad?

John F Dean

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Posts: 8732

Location: southern Illinois, USA

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posted 5 days ago

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I woke up from my nap with my wife screaming at the TV…”Don’t go in there!! Your life will be over! Get out of the church!!” I expected to see Jamie Lee Curtis. My wife was watching our wedding video.

You can only be young once … but you can be immature forever!

Jay Angler

master steward

Posts: 15850

Location: Pacific Wet Coast

10275

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