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jokes

 
John F Dean
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A few years ago my youngest sister called me to say she was going to mime school.  I never heard from her again.

The First Axiom of Life: Don’t do dumb things.

 
Mike Haasl
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Why is ET so short?

Cuz of his little legs..

I make a Maple Syrup instructional movie! Check it out HERE
SKIP books, get 'em while they're hot!!! Skills to Inherit Property
See me in a movie building a massive wood staircase:Low Tech Lab Movie

 
Phil Swindler
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Did you hear about the nervous father who is pacing up and down in the hospital lobby waiting to hear about the birth of his first child? Finally, after several hours, the nurse arrives. The father runs up to her and asks, "Nurse, tell me, is it a boy?"

The nurse says calmly, "Well, the middle one is."

Your friend isn't always right and your enemy isn't always wrong.

 
Jay Angler
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What do you call a grass-fed cow?  

A lawn moo-er.

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
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Jay Angler
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How do cows laugh?  

“Moo-haha.”

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Matt McSpadden
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I've been wondering about the people who ride on the trash trucks to collect the trash along the busy roads...

Do they get training for that?... or do they just pick it up along the way?

"When the whole world is running towards a cliff, he who is running in the opposite direction appears to have lost his mind." C.S. Lewis
Visit https://themaineingredient.com for organic, premium dried culinary herbs that are grown, processed, and packaged in the USA.

 
Pearl Sutton
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What do you get when a dinosaur kicks you in the ass?

A megasaurass….

Gardens in my mind never need water
Castles in the air never have a wet basement
Well made buildings are fractal -- equally intelligent design at every level of detail.
Bright sparks remind others that they too can dance
What I am looking for is looking for me too!

 
Pearl Sutton
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I went for an interview as a blacksmith.
They asked, Have you ever shoed a horse before?

I said, "No, but l've told a donkey to get off my lawn before."

Gardens in my mind never need water
Castles in the air never have a wet basement
Well made buildings are fractal -- equally intelligent design at every level of detail.
Bright sparks remind others that they too can dance
What I am looking for is looking for me too!

 
Phil Swindler
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Your friend isn't always right and your enemy isn't always wrong.

 
Matt McSpadden
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Why did the pro golfer bring two pairs of pants with him whenever he was on the course?

... in case he got a hole in one!

"When the whole world is running towards a cliff, he who is running in the opposite direction appears to have lost his mind." C.S. Lewis
Visit https://themaineingredient.com for organic, premium dried culinary herbs that are grown, processed, and packaged in the USA.

 
Jay Angler
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What do you get if you cross a cow and a rooster?  

Roost beef.

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Jay Angler
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A zookeeper couldn't get his snakes to breed.

The vet said he had a reptile dysfunction.

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