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master stewards:
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stewards:
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master gardeners:
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gardeners:
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jokes

 
Jay Angler
master steward
Posts: 15327
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
9680
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I'm never taking cooking instructions literally again...

It said "chill in the fridge for an hour"...

I nearly died.

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
Jay Angler
master steward
Posts: 15327
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
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Why did the chicken join the band?

Because it had the drumsticks.


Sorry, this one's a bit lame...

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
Daisy Pickett
Posts: 11
Location: Ohio
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She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature chicken.
 
Daisy Pickett
Posts: 11
Location: Ohio
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Daisy Pickett wrote:She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature chicken.



Their relationship was as explosive as potato salad sitting in the sun at a 4th of July picnic.
 
Timothy Norton
Steward of piddlers
Posts: 7708
Location: Upstate New York, Zone 5b, 43 inch Avg. Rainfall
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A goose goes to the grocery store and gets in line at the register with a stick of chapstick.

The cashier says "Cash or Credit?"

The goose says "Neither, just put it on my bill."

- Tim's Homestead Journal - Purchase a copy of Building a Better World in Your Backyard - Purchase 6 Decks of Permaculture Cards -
- Purchase 12x Decks of Permaculture Cards - Purchase a copy of the SKIP Book - Purchase 12x copies of Building a Better World in your Backyard

 
Timothy Norton
Steward of piddlers
Posts: 7708
Location: Upstate New York, Zone 5b, 43 inch Avg. Rainfall
4335
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What do you call a pig with no legs?

A groundhog.

- Tim's Homestead Journal - Purchase a copy of Building a Better World in Your Backyard - Purchase 6 Decks of Permaculture Cards -
- Purchase 12x Decks of Permaculture Cards - Purchase a copy of the SKIP Book - Purchase 12x copies of Building a Better World in your Backyard

 
M Ljin
master gardener
Posts: 2390
Location: Zone 5
1381
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What do you call it when someone comes and visits your mind from afar just to talk your ear off without letting you speak?

Lemmetellyapathy.

One can never be too kind to oneself or others.

 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 961
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
558
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When you first meet me you'll think I'm on medication.

As you get to know me you'll wonder why I'm not.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Greg Martin
steward
Posts: 3557
Location: Maine, zone 5
2179
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I accidentally drank a little Axe Body Spray.  Now I speak with an Axe scent.  

Permaculture...picking the lock back to Eden since 1978.
Pics of my Forest Garden

 
Daisy Pickett
Posts: 11
Location: Ohio
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Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer?

She kept running away from the ball.
 
John F Dean
master steward
Posts: 8537
Location: southern Illinois, USA
3440
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I landed a part time job. My boss wanted to sign me up for 401 K. I told him there was no way I was going to run that far.

I learn from the mistakes of others who take my advice.

 
M Ljin
master gardener
Posts: 2390
Location: Zone 5
1381
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My friend tried to grow jerusalem artichokes. It was a complete success. The voles didn’t eat them. I’m joking by the way.

One can never be too kind to oneself or others.

 
M Ljin
master gardener
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1381
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I met a man who only ate burdock burrs day after day. He didn’t like them boiled either, just chewed them raw, and ate little else. One day someone suggested he put some vinegar and oil and cheese in with them, but he turned up his nose at that idea.

“Burdock burrs are fine for me! I don’t know what I’d do without them. I just tried them one day, and they became a habit that stuck.”

One can never be too kind to oneself or others.

 
Blaine Clark
Posts: 113
Location: West-central Pennsylvania
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Act my age??
I've never been this age before.

Try Linux on your computer, free, stable and maintenance free. Distributions I recommend are Linux-Mint and Debian. Better than throwing your PC away when Windows rejects you.

 
Blaine Clark
Posts: 113
Location: West-central Pennsylvania
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One just can't have a good and decent Slaughter without Laughter.

Try Linux on your computer, free, stable and maintenance free. Distributions I recommend are Linux-Mint and Debian. Better than throwing your PC away when Windows rejects you.

 
Blaine Clark
Posts: 113
Location: West-central Pennsylvania
59
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Feller opened a laundry next door to a convent. He stopped by once and inquired if they had any dirty habits.

Try Linux on your computer, free, stable and maintenance free. Distributions I recommend are Linux-Mint and Debian. Better than throwing your PC away when Windows rejects you.

 
John F Dean
master steward
Posts: 8537
Location: southern Illinois, USA
3440
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This morning I woke up with a completely fresh perspective on life. I decided it was foolish to give up on my dreams. So, I went back to sleep.

I learn from the mistakes of others who take my advice.

 
John F Dean
master steward
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3440
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I am seriously beginning to question my MD.  I am 6’3”, but according to the BMI chart in his office, I am too short.

I learn from the mistakes of others who take my advice.

 
John F Dean
master steward
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I noticed the time stamp on one of my above posts. That begs a question. At what point in life does 4:00 AM become early in the morning rather than late at night?

I learn from the mistakes of others who take my advice.

 
r ransom
steward & author
Posts: 46284
Location: Left Coast Canada
18730
10
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My grandfather swears by putting horse manure on his rhubarb
But I find it tastes much better with custard

how permies works
homegrown linen | crazy chicken lady grows yarn!

 
r ransom
steward & author
Posts: 46284
Location: Left Coast Canada
18730
10
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How Do Coffee Beans Say Goodbye?
They say, "See you latte!"

how permies works
homegrown linen | crazy chicken lady grows yarn!

 
r ransom
steward & author
Posts: 46284
Location: Left Coast Canada
18730
10
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Why Don’t Coffee Beans Ever Get Into Trouble?
Because they’re always grounded.

how permies works
homegrown linen | crazy chicken lady grows yarn!

 
r ransom
steward & author
Posts: 46284
Location: Left Coast Canada
18730
10
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What Do You Call a Cow That Just Had a Baby?
De-calf-inated.

how permies works
homegrown linen | crazy chicken lady grows yarn!

 
r ransom
steward & author
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Location: Left Coast Canada
18730
10
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A man went to his doctor and complained that every time he drinks coffee, he gets a stabbing pain in his right eye


The doctor said, "Have you tried taking the spoon out of your cup before drinking?"

how permies works
homegrown linen | crazy chicken lady grows yarn!

 
M Ljin
master gardener
Posts: 2390
Location: Zone 5
1381
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Rye whiskey, rye whiskey, rye whiskey I cry,
The best thing for wiping the stove clean and dry.
If I hadn’t rye whiskey I’m sure I would die
For shame that my house should be filthy as a sty.  

One can never be too kind to oneself or others.

 
Jay Angler
master steward
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Location: Pacific Wet Coast
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How much did the chef pay for pasta?

A penne.

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 961
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
558
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I wonder if Beano is considered a seasoning, for beans?

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious - Oscar Wilde
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