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jokes

 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 982
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
566
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No debt.
Perfect weight.
8 hours of sleep.
Great Mental Health.
Healthy food.
No alcohol.
That was my peak!
I was 8 years old.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Jay Angler
master steward
Posts: 15906
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
10349
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What is a web developer’s favourite tea?

URL Grey.

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
Anna Hutchins
Posts: 44
Location: Central Kansas. Zone: 6b
18
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I went shopping for cherries and a microphone stand today.

Bought a bing. Bought a boom.
 
John F Dean
master steward
Posts: 8748
Location: southern Illinois, USA
3630
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My wife bought a used Bow Flex. With the help of a ramp I managed to unload it from the truck.  I would need human help to get it inside. So I took a break until my helper arrived. Of course, when he did, the BowFlex was covered with chickens. They were working on their pecks.

I figure if someone from the future hasn’t tried to stop me, I can’t be messing up that bad.

 
Mark Reed
pollinator
Posts: 795
Location: SE Indiana
468
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Not really a joke, the last post about the bow-flex just made me think of it.
When my mom sent us out to get a chicken for supper, she didn't mean go the store.
Hey you in the red feathers, I saw you shit on my bicycle seat this morning.  You won't be doing that again.

Nothing ruins a neighborhood like paved roads and water lines.

 
Pearl Sutton
steward & bricolagier
Posts: 16277
Location: SW Missouri
12670
2
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The meteorologist who developed the Heat Index passed away yesterday.

He was 88, but felt like 95.

Gardens in my mind never need water
Castles in the air never have a wet basement
Well made buildings are fractal -- equally intelligent design at every level of detail.
Bright sparks remind others that they too can dance
What I am looking for is looking for me too!

 
Pearl Sutton
steward & bricolagier
Posts: 16277
Location: SW Missouri
12670
2
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On the day my son turned four, I told him I didn't recognize him.  it was like I'd never seen him be four.

Gardens in my mind never need water
Castles in the air never have a wet basement
Well made buildings are fractal -- equally intelligent design at every level of detail.
Bright sparks remind others that they too can dance
What I am looking for is looking for me too!

 
Jay Angler
master steward
Posts: 15906
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
10349
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The tea and coffee are married, but the tea leaves. Does that give the coffee grounds for divorce?

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
Pearl Sutton
steward & bricolagier
Posts: 16277
Location: SW Missouri
12670
2
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Thoughts that keep me awake at night....
How long does it take a giraffe to throw up?

Gardens in my mind never need water
Castles in the air never have a wet basement
Well made buildings are fractal -- equally intelligent design at every level of detail.
Bright sparks remind others that they too can dance
What I am looking for is looking for me too!

 
Pearl Sutton
steward & bricolagier
Posts: 16277
Location: SW Missouri
12670
2
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A pizza is basically a real-time pie chart of how much pizza is left.

Gardens in my mind never need water
Castles in the air never have a wet basement
Well made buildings are fractal -- equally intelligent design at every level of detail.
Bright sparks remind others that they too can dance
What I am looking for is looking for me too!

 
Pearl Sutton
steward & bricolagier
Posts: 16277
Location: SW Missouri
12670
2
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Why don't we pronounce the "meow" in homeowner?

Gardens in my mind never need water
Castles in the air never have a wet basement
Well made buildings are fractal -- equally intelligent design at every level of detail.
Bright sparks remind others that they too can dance
What I am looking for is looking for me too!

 
Jay Angler
master steward
Posts: 15906
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
10349
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What kind of lizard tells jokes?

A stand up chameleon.

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 982
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
566
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Did you hear about the new rule in Hawaii?
Your not aloud to laugh loud anymore.
You have to keep it at aloha.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Matt McSpadden
gardener
Posts: 3257
Location: Central Maine (Zone 5a)
1801
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The USDA announced today that they are planning to outlaw round bales of hay, citing concern that cows are not getting a square meal every day.

"When the whole world is running towards a cliff, he who is running in the opposite direction appears to have lost his mind." C.S. Lewis
Visit https://themaineingredient.com for organic, premium dried culinary herbs that are grown, processed, and packaged in the USA.

 
Matt McSpadden
gardener
Posts: 3257
Location: Central Maine (Zone 5a)
1801
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Conversation over text with an old friend.

Hob: "How are you doing?"

Nob: "I don't know..."

Hob: "What's wrong?"

Nob: "About three years ago my doctor said I was starting to go deaf... and I haven't heard from him since".

"When the whole world is running towards a cliff, he who is running in the opposite direction appears to have lost his mind." C.S. Lewis
Visit https://themaineingredient.com for organic, premium dried culinary herbs that are grown, processed, and packaged in the USA.

 
Pearl Sutton
steward & bricolagier
Posts: 16277
Location: SW Missouri
12670
2
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When does a bad joke turn into a dad joke?

When it becomes apparent.

Gardens in my mind never need water
Castles in the air never have a wet basement
Well made buildings are fractal -- equally intelligent design at every level of detail.
Bright sparks remind others that they too can dance
What I am looking for is looking for me too!

 
Jay Angler
master steward
Posts: 15906
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
10349
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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."

I bought her a bathroom scale.

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
Jay Angler
master steward
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Location: Pacific Wet Coast
10349
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What time period did lizards come from?

Gecko-roman era.

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
Matt McSpadden
gardener
Posts: 3257
Location: Central Maine (Zone 5a)
1801
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Since flour comes from grains and cinnamon comes from a tree... does that make cinnamon rolls a salad?

"When the whole world is running towards a cliff, he who is running in the opposite direction appears to have lost his mind." C.S. Lewis
Visit https://themaineingredient.com for organic, premium dried culinary herbs that are grown, processed, and packaged in the USA.

 
John F Dean
master steward
Posts: 8748
Location: southern Illinois, USA
3630
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I woke up from my nap with my wife screaming at the TV…”Don’t go in there!! Your life will be over! Get out of the church!!”  I expected to see Jamie Lee Curtis.  My wife was watching our wedding video.

I figure if someone from the future hasn’t tried to stop me, I can’t be messing up that bad.

 
Jay Angler
master steward
Posts: 15906
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
10349
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What do you call a lizard that tells damaging lies about you?

A slandermander.

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
Jay Angler
master steward
Posts: 15906
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
10349
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What do you call a math tool that supports farming vehicle rights?  

Protractor

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
Pearl Sutton
steward & bricolagier
Posts: 16277
Location: SW Missouri
12670
2
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I'm at the hospital.
I've been diagnosed with the Peeka Boo virus.
They are going to transfer me to the ICU.

Gardens in my mind never need water
Castles in the air never have a wet basement
Well made buildings are fractal -- equally intelligent design at every level of detail.
Bright sparks remind others that they too can dance
What I am looking for is looking for me too!

 
Jay Angler
master steward
Posts: 15906
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
10349
I like...
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What do you call a lizard that likes the water?

An aqua-na.

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
Greg Martin
steward
Posts: 3576
Location: Maine, zone 5
2219
9
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Did you know that 10 + 10 and 11 + 11 are the same?

10 + 10 = 20
11 + 11 = twenty too

(better said than written!)

Permaculture...picking the lock back to Eden since 1978.
Pics of my Forest Garden

 
Jay Angler
master steward
Posts: 15906
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
10349
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Harley Davidson came out with a harvesting tool.  

They call it a motorsickle.

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
Jay Angler
master steward
Posts: 15906
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
10349
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What do you call traveling on a flying carpet?

A rugged experience.

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
It's hard to fight evil. The little things, like a nice sandwich, really helps. Right tiny ad?
Escape to gardens and natural buildings (for free-ish) in Montana
https://wheaton-labs.com/bootcamp
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