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Greg Martin
steward
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I slept like a log last night…
woke up in the fireplace.

Permaculture...picking the lock back to Eden since 1978.
Pics of my Forest Garden

 
Greg Martin
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Birthdays are good for you.  Statistics show that people who have the most live the longest!

50 is the new.... what was I saying?

(Finally happened...I've crossed into my 50s)

Permaculture...picking the lock back to Eden since 1978.
Pics of my Forest Garden

 
John F Dean
master steward
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With 2020 going the way it has, if a clown invited me into the woods, I would just go.

If there is one thing the Wizard of Oz has taught me, it is not to trust school teachers on bicycles.

 
John F Dean
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You know, the thing I hate most about parallel parking is the wittnesses.

If there is one thing the Wizard of Oz has taught me, it is not to trust school teachers on bicycles.

 
Jeff Marchand
pollinator
Posts: 277
Location: Eastern Ontario
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A man asks his sister to watch his house and cat while he takes an extended vacation.  
Half way through his vacation he checks in, "How is Fluffy?"
"He is dead, he fell out of tree and got hit by a car".  
"How could you break the news to me like that?  You need to soften the blow somehow. Like tell me his is stuck up a tree and then when I call next then you tell me he fell and got run over.  My God what is wrong with you?  Anyways how is Mom?"

His sister pauses for a long while and says " She is stuck up a tree"

Do, there is no try --- Yoda
No one is interested in something you didn't do--- Gord Downie

 
Jeff Marchand
pollinator
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A travelling salesman was plying his wares at a small country farm.  He asks the farmer about a three legged pig that seems to have free run of the place.  
"That pig is the best big you ever hope to see! Last year we had a small fire in the barn, That pig bust out of his pen and woke us up.  He saved the farm that day!"
"Did he loose his leg in the fire?" asks the salesman.
"Oh no, you cant eat a pig that good all at once!"

Do, there is no try --- Yoda
No one is interested in something you didn't do--- Gord Downie

 
Pearl Sutton
steward & bricolagier
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A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied.
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park.
What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was!
Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of
the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down.
Right to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, the latest Star Wars epic, a hot dog, popcorn, Pepsi, and M&Ms.
What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed.
He leaned over and lovingly, asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being six again?"
One eye opened. "You idiot, I meant my dress size."


Gardens in my mind never need water
Castles in the air never have a wet basement
Well made buildings are fractal -- equally intelligent design at every level of detail.
Bright sparks remind others that they too can dance
What I am looking for is looking for me too!

 
Pearl Sutton
steward & bricolagier
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A guy goes into a restaurant/lounge wearing a shirt open at the collar and is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission. So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie and discovers that he just doesn't have one.
He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free. He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over and then says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in - just don't start anything."

Gardens in my mind never need water
Castles in the air never have a wet basement
Well made buildings are fractal -- equally intelligent design at every level of detail.
Bright sparks remind others that they too can dance
What I am looking for is looking for me too!

 
Pearl Sutton
steward & bricolagier
Posts: 15645
Location: SW Missouri
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An engineering student is walking on campus one day, when another engineer student rides up on a shiny new motorcycle.
"Where did you get such a functional bike?" asked the first.
The second engineer replied: "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes, spread her arms wide and said: "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly: "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Gardens in my mind never need water
Castles in the air never have a wet basement
Well made buildings are fractal -- equally intelligent design at every level of detail.
Bright sparks remind others that they too can dance
What I am looking for is looking for me too!

 
John F Dean
master steward
Posts: 7836
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No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.

If there is one thing the Wizard of Oz has taught me, it is not to trust school teachers on bicycles.

 
John F Dean
master steward
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I need to let someone here know that I have been quarantined with my wife for the better part of 6 months.  So, if I am found dead ....it wasn't  the COVID.

If there is one thing the Wizard of Oz has taught me, it is not to trust school teachers on bicycles.

 
John F Dean
master steward
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I never imagined the day would come that I would go to the bank wearing a mask and ask for money.

If there is one thing the Wizard of Oz has taught me, it is not to trust school teachers on bicycles.

 
John F Dean
master steward
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I am pretty sure I graduated from the only college in the country where  no one paid bribes to attend.

If there is one thing the Wizard of Oz has taught me, it is not to trust school teachers on bicycles.

 
John F Dean
master steward
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As 2020 is winding down, and we are beginning to seek some hope for the new year  ... just remember .... we still haven't  seen the Murder Hornets!

If there is one thing the Wizard of Oz has taught me, it is not to trust school teachers on bicycles.

 
John F Dean
master steward
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My wife and I stopped by a big box store this evening.  Yes, it was pushing the season with the Christmas displays. But you know, some of those plastic trees look as good as the real metal ones.

If there is one thing the Wizard of Oz has taught me, it is not to trust school teachers on bicycles.

 
John F Dean
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Well, anyway, I got off to an early start this morning, so i grabbed lunch a little early ..., a can of alphabet soup. Then i had a vowel movement.

If there is one thing the Wizard of Oz has taught me, it is not to trust school teachers on bicycles.

 
John F Dean
master steward
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Hey,  remember when we used to TP the houses of people we DIDN'T like?

If there is one thing the Wizard of Oz has taught me, it is not to trust school teachers on bicycles.

 
John F Dean
master steward
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Yesterday I put a couple of hours into cleaning out the barn.  Although I am well past the age, I realized someone had taken my limbo stick. I mean, how low can you go?!!

If there is one thing the Wizard of Oz has taught me, it is not to trust school teachers on bicycles.

 
John F Dean
master steward
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Do you think glass coffins will ever catch on?  Remains to be seen.

If there is one thing the Wizard of Oz has taught me, it is not to trust school teachers on bicycles.

 
John F Dean
master steward
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It is easy to get down in this Covid crisis.  Always remember you are unique ... just like everyone else.

If there is one thing the Wizard of Oz has taught me, it is not to trust school teachers on bicycles.

 
John F Dean
master steward
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Have you ever wondered how nudists clean their glasses?

If there is one thing the Wizard of Oz has taught me, it is not to trust school teachers on bicycles.

 
Greg Martin
steward
Posts: 3513
Location: Maine, zone 5
2101
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A poultry farmer was distressed because his chickens stopped laying eggs. He didn’t know what to do about it, but one of his friends, a physicist, offered to help.
The physicist came out to the farm, took a bunch of measurements, and went back home to analyze the data.
The physicist called the farmer on the phone and said: “Okay, I have a solution for your problem, though it might only work with spherical chickens in a vacuum.”

Permaculture...picking the lock back to Eden since 1978.
Pics of my Forest Garden

 
Greg Martin
steward
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Location: Maine, zone 5
2101
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Parallel lines have so much in common....
it's a shame they'll never meet!

Permaculture...picking the lock back to Eden since 1978.
Pics of my Forest Garden

 
John F Dean
master steward
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Location: southern Illinois, USA
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Hell, I knew to stop shaking hands as soon as I realized everyone was out of TP.

If there is one thing the Wizard of Oz has taught me, it is not to trust school teachers on bicycles.

 
John F Dean
master steward
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I thought about making a sodium joke, but after giving it some thought ... NA

If there is one thing the Wizard of Oz has taught me, it is not to trust school teachers on bicycles.

 
Heather Sharpe
gardener
Posts: 828
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16 sodium atoms walk into a bar, followed by Batman.

“Action on behalf of life transforms. Because the relationship between self and the world is reciprocal, it is not a question of first getting enlightened or saved and then acting. As we work to heal the earth, the earth heals us.” ~ Robin Wall Kimmerer

 
John F Dean
master steward
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Butterflies aren't what they used to be.

If there is one thing the Wizard of Oz has taught me, it is not to trust school teachers on bicycles.

 
John F Dean
master steward
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Yesterday I decided to reform my diet. I removed all the unhealthy food from my refrigerator.  It was delicious!

If there is one thing the Wizard of Oz has taught me, it is not to trust school teachers on bicycles.

 
John F Dean
master steward
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In high school my teachers called me average.   I thought that was mean.

If there is one thing the Wizard of Oz has taught me, it is not to trust school teachers on bicycles.

 
John F Dean
master steward
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Have you ever considered that clapping was hitting yourself because you liked something?

If there is one thing the Wizard of Oz has taught me, it is not to trust school teachers on bicycles.

 
Pearl Sutton
steward & bricolagier
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A life-long city man, tired of the rat race, decided he was going to give up the city life, move to the country, and become a chicken farmer. He found a nice, used chicken farm, which he bought.

Turns out that his next door neighbor was also a chicken farmer. The neighbor came for a visit one day and said, "Chicken farming isn't easy. Tell you what. To help you get started, I'll give you 100 chickens."

The new chicken farmer was thrilled. Two weeks later the new neighbor stopped by to see how things were going. The new farmer said, "Not too good. All 100 chickens died." The neighbor said, "Oh, I can't believe that. I've never had any trouble with my chickens. I'll give you 100 more."

Another two weeks went by, and the neighbor stops in again. The new farmer says, "You're not going to believe this, but the second 100 chickens died too."

Astounded, the neighbor asked, "What did you do to them? What went wrong?" "Well," says the new farmer, "I'm not sure. But I think I'm not planting them far enough apart."

Gardens in my mind never need water
Castles in the air never have a wet basement
Well made buildings are fractal -- equally intelligent design at every level of detail.
Bright sparks remind others that they too can dance
What I am looking for is looking for me too!

 
Jay Angler
master steward
Posts: 14144
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
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To get you in the mood...

What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?

Bamboo


What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?

A cereal killer.

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
John F Dean
master steward
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Auto correct is my own worst enema.

If there is one thing the Wizard of Oz has taught me, it is not to trust school teachers on bicycles.

 
John F Dean
master steward
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More people should try meditation. It is better than sitting around doing nothing.

If there is one thing the Wizard of Oz has taught me, it is not to trust school teachers on bicycles.

 
John F Dean
master steward
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Many years ago my wife brought in an interior decorator.  His first task was to drop by our house to determine our style. He walked though our house, and my wife asked him what our style was. He replied, "There Appears To Have Been a Struggle."

If there is one thing the Wizard of Oz has taught me, it is not to trust school teachers on bicycles.

 
Jay Angler
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Getting closer...

What did the ghost say to the psychiatrist?

I used to be somebody.



What did the witch say at the Department of Motor Vehicles?

As a matter of fact, I can drive a stick.

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
John F Dean
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It's not that I am anti social, I am just pro me.

If there is one thing the Wizard of Oz has taught me, it is not to trust school teachers on bicycles.

 
When I was younger I felt like a man trapped inside a woman's body. Then I was born. My twin is a tiny ad:
Learn Permaculture through a little hard work
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