Win a copy of The Tourist Trail this week in the Writing forum!
  • Post Reply Bookmark Topic Watch Topic
  • New Topic
permaculture forums growies critters building homesteading energy monies kitchen purity ungarbage community wilderness fiber arts art permaculture artisans regional education experiences global resources the cider press projects digital market permies.com private forums all forums
this forum made possible by our volunteer staff, including ...
master stewards:
  • Nicole Alderman
  • r ranson
  • Anne Miller
  • paul wheaton
stewards:
  • Joseph Lofthouse
  • Jocelyn Campbell
  • Mike Jay
garden masters:
  • Steve Thorn
  • Dave Burton
  • Joylynn Hardesty
gardeners:
  • Carla Burke
  • Pearl Sutton
  • Greg Martin

jokes

 
gardener & bricolagier
Posts: 2783
Location: SW Missouri
871
goat cat fungi books chicken earthworks food preservation cooking building homestead ungarbage
  • Likes 5
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other
"Do you know how to drive this thing?"
 
gardener
Posts: 1250
Location: Maine, zone 5
375
forest garden trees food preservation solar wood heat homestead
  • Likes 5
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
The Parking Spot

A man was franticly trying to find a parking space at a baseball game and was speeding around the parking lot as he'd already missed the first inning of this game he had been waiting for all year.  He was feeling quite desperate and didn't know what to do so he started to pray and said "God, I know I haven't lived a good life, but if you can grant me a parking space I promise you that I'll never miss church again, I'll stop drinking and I'll give generously to charities."

Just then a car pulled out of an amazing space right by the front gate and right in front of him! So the guy said to God "Never mind, I just found one!"
 
steward
Posts: 5959
Location: Missoula, MT
1256
hugelkultur purity forest garden books food preservation
  • Likes 9
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Haha!


 
Pearl Sutton
gardener & bricolagier
Posts: 2783
Location: SW Missouri
871
goat cat fungi books chicken earthworks food preservation cooking building homestead ungarbage
  • Likes 5
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
A real estate salesman had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water.  "That customer is going to come back here pretty mad," he told his boss. "Should I give him his money back?"
"Money back? Are you crazy?" roared the boss. "What kind of a salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat!"


 
Pearl Sutton
gardener & bricolagier
Posts: 2783
Location: SW Missouri
871
goat cat fungi books chicken earthworks food preservation cooking building homestead ungarbage
  • Likes 7
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Pearl's commentaries on the previous joke: I have issues with what is called Suspension of Disbelief, I tend to analyze movies etc "If you hadn't told that lie to start with, this whole plot wouldn't have happened." Yeah, I know means there wouldn't have been a movie either, just something I don't do well. So that joke bugs me, how could a piece of property be bought and sold by two people and neither one of them looked at it? That's just wrong on too many levels.

The other thought, though, is what would permaculture design say about this? One of the things you identify on your property is what is unchangeable and must be worked with, worked into your design, made into an asset instead of a liability. Land that is underwater can be worked with. Houseboat, see the seasteading threads here, fish farming, grow organic seaweeds. Underwater house, or better yet, think how QUIET that house would be, underwater bed and breakfast, or meditative retreat, the ultimate quiet vacation! This could be worked with! :D
 
Pearl Sutton
gardener & bricolagier
Posts: 2783
Location: SW Missouri
871
goat cat fungi books chicken earthworks food preservation cooking building homestead ungarbage
  • Likes 5
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?




A stick.



 
Pearl Sutton
gardener & bricolagier
Posts: 2783
Location: SW Missouri
871
goat cat fungi books chicken earthworks food preservation cooking building homestead ungarbage
  • Likes 2
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
The Miss Universe pageant is fixed!!
All the winners were born on Earth
 
Posts: 482
Location: Australia, New South Wales. Köppen: Cfa (Humid Subtropical), USDA: 10/11
132
transportation hugelkultur cat forest garden fish trees urban chicken cooking woodworking homestead
  • Likes 3
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
If these have been repeated, then the joke is on me:

1. What do you call a deer with no eyes?

A: No idea! (No eye deer)


2. What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A: A fsh!
 
Pearl Sutton
gardener & bricolagier
Posts: 2783
Location: SW Missouri
871
goat cat fungi books chicken earthworks food preservation cooking building homestead ungarbage
  • Likes 6
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
In my day, we couldn't afford shoes, so we went barefoot. In the winter we had to wrap our feet with barbed with for traction.

 
Greg Martin
gardener
Posts: 1250
Location: Maine, zone 5
375
forest garden trees food preservation solar wood heat homestead
  • Likes 4
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
This guy is dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there's a beautiful redhead sitting at the next table. He's been sneakily checking her out ever since he arrived, but doesn't have the courage to start talking to her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. His reflexes kick in and he reaches out, plucks it out of the air, and hands it back to her.
The redhead is mortified. "Oh my, I am so sorry," she says as she pops her eye back into place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you."

So he joins her table and they enjoy a wonderful meal together. Afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks at a bar. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap. He says yes and they return to her place.
He ends up staying the night. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed at how everything has been so perfect and how incredible this woman is. He can't believe his luck. "You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman, are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No," she replies, "You just happened to catch my eye."
 
Greg Martin
gardener
Posts: 1250
Location: Maine, zone 5
375
forest garden trees food preservation solar wood heat homestead
  • Likes 3
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Four college students decide to get drunk the night before their final exam. They get so drunk they wake up late and completely miss their final. The four students go to their professor, and explain this elaborate lie that when they were on their way to the final that their car tire went flat. They beg for a retest, and the professor agrees.

The day of the make up test the four boys all arrive on time, completely sober. The professor looks at the boys, looks at his watch, and says “you may begin the test”.

The four boys open their final booklet and to their surprise they each only have one question.

“Which tire was flat?”
 
Pearl Sutton
gardener & bricolagier
Posts: 2783
Location: SW Missouri
871
goat cat fungi books chicken earthworks food preservation cooking building homestead ungarbage
  • Likes 3
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
7/5ths of all people do not understand fractions
 
steward
Posts: 4820
Location: Northern WI (zone 4)
1306
hunting trees books food preservation solar woodworking
  • Likes 4
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
37% of all statistics are made up on the spot
 
Pearl Sutton
gardener & bricolagier
Posts: 2783
Location: SW Missouri
871
goat cat fungi books chicken earthworks food preservation cooking building homestead ungarbage
  • Likes 4
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Life in Lubbock, Texas taught me two things. One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, dirty thing on the face of the earth and you should save it for someone you love. ~ Molly Ivins
 
Don't touch me. And don't touch this tiny ad:
One million tiny ads for $25
https://permies.com/t/94684/million-tiny-ads
  • Post Reply Bookmark Topic Watch Topic
  • New Topic
Boost this thread!