Search...
Home Subscribe
Pie
Home Subscribe
Recent topics Flagged topics Hot topics Best topics
Search...
Search within meaningless drivel Search permies
Advance search Google search
Register / Login
free rmh plans
  • Post Reply Bookmark Topic Watch Topic
  • New Topic
permaculture forums growies critters building homesteading energy monies kitchen purity ungarbage community wilderness fiber arts art permaculture artisans regional education skip experiences global resources cider press projects digital market permies.com pie forums private forums all forums
Full online Permaculture Design course and Appropriate Technology Course video Rocket Mass Heaters Show off your website here Permaculture bootcamp with people wielding tools Products built to last a lifetime 6 ways to keep chickens ebook by Paul Wheaton
this forum made possible by our volunteer staff, including ...
master stewards:
  • Carla Burke
  • John F Dean
  • Timothy Norton
  • Nancy Reading
  • r ranson
  • Jay Angler
  • Pearl Sutton
stewards:
  • paul wheaton
  • Tereza Okava
  • Andrés Bernal
master gardeners:
  • Christopher Weeks
gardeners:
  • Jeremy VanGelder
  • M Ljin
  • Matt McSpadden

jokes

 
Jay Angler
master steward
Posts: 13737
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
8080
I like...
duck books chicken cooking food preservation ungarbage
posted 4 years ago
  • Likes 4
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
"That math prof's marriage is falling apart!"
"No wonder! He's into scientific computing - and she's incalculable!"

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
John F Dean
master steward
Posts: 7627
Location: southern Illinois, USA
2816
I like...
goat cat dog chicken composting toilet food preservation pig solar wood heat homestead composting
posted 4 years ago
  • Likes 1
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
My wife and I had an argument.  Anyway, we would like all the clairvoyants to settle it . . . .

Some people age like fine wine. I aged like milk … sour and chunky.

 
Greg Martin
steward
Posts: 3488
Location: Maine, zone 5
2058
8
I like...
hugelkultur dog forest garden trees foraging food preservation cooking solar seed wood heat homestead
posted 4 years ago
  • Likes 8
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
If you steal a Tesla, it's then known as an Edison.

Permaculture...picking the lock back to Eden since 1978.
Pics of my Forest Garden

 
Greg Martin
steward
Posts: 3488
Location: Maine, zone 5
2058
8
I like...
hugelkultur dog forest garden trees foraging food preservation cooking solar seed wood heat homestead
posted 4 years ago
  • Likes 5
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
The bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.”

A time traveler walks into a bar.

Permaculture...picking the lock back to Eden since 1978.
Pics of my Forest Garden

 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 906
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
516
I like...
hugelkultur chicken seed homestead
posted 4 years ago
  • Likes 3
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Fishermen are born honest.

But they can change.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
John F Dean
master steward
Posts: 7627
Location: southern Illinois, USA
2816
I like...
goat cat dog chicken composting toilet food preservation pig solar wood heat homestead composting
posted 4 years ago
  • Likes 9
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
House cleaning is just putting stuff in less obvious places.

Some people age like fine wine. I aged like milk … sour and chunky.

 
John F Dean
master steward
Posts: 7627
Location: southern Illinois, USA
2816
I like...
goat cat dog chicken composting toilet food preservation pig solar wood heat homestead composting
posted 4 years ago
  • Likes 5
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
I hate going out in public .... and finding the public there.

Some people age like fine wine. I aged like milk … sour and chunky.

 
John F Dean
master steward
Posts: 7627
Location: southern Illinois, USA
2816
I like...
goat cat dog chicken composting toilet food preservation pig solar wood heat homestead composting
posted 4 years ago
  • Likes 5
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
I am trying to remember back to the last time I went through a whole week that wasn't a verse from, "We didn't start the fire."

Some people age like fine wine. I aged like milk … sour and chunky.

 
Kenneth Elwell
pollinator
Posts: 1195
Location: Boston, Massachusetts
525
6
I like...
urban books building solar rocket stoves ungarbage
posted 4 years ago
  • Likes 6
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator

John F Dean wrote:Whatever it is you do, always  give 100% ... unless you are donating blood.



If it costs an arm and a leg, don't buy two.

Nails are sold by the pound, that makes sense.
Soluna Garden Farm -- Flower CSA -- plants, and cut flowers at our farm.

 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 906
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
516
I like...
hugelkultur chicken seed homestead
posted 4 years ago
  • Likes 7
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 906
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
516
I like...
hugelkultur chicken seed homestead
posted 4 years ago
  • Likes 3
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Kenneth Elwell
pollinator
Posts: 1195
Location: Boston, Massachusetts
525
6
I like...
urban books building solar rocket stoves ungarbage
posted 4 years ago
  • Likes 4
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
If E.T. wasn't the "Extra Terrestrial", they might have realized he was missing a bit sooner.

Nails are sold by the pound, that makes sense.
Soluna Garden Farm -- Flower CSA -- plants, and cut flowers at our farm.

 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 906
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
516
I like...
hugelkultur chicken seed homestead
posted 4 years ago
  • Likes 2
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
I always take life with a grain of salt. And a slice of lemon. And a shot of tequila.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
John F Dean
master steward
Posts: 7627
Location: southern Illinois, USA
2816
I like...
goat cat dog chicken composting toilet food preservation pig solar wood heat homestead composting
posted 4 years ago
  • Likes 3
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Does struggling to fasten your jeans count as cardio?

Some people age like fine wine. I aged like milk … sour and chunky.

 
Greg Martin
steward
Posts: 3488
Location: Maine, zone 5
2058
8
I like...
hugelkultur dog forest garden trees foraging food preservation cooking solar seed wood heat homestead
posted 4 years ago
  • Likes 4
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison.
Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.

Permaculture...picking the lock back to Eden since 1978.
Pics of my Forest Garden

 
Greg Martin
steward
Posts: 3488
Location: Maine, zone 5
2058
8
I like...
hugelkultur dog forest garden trees foraging food preservation cooking solar seed wood heat homestead
posted 4 years ago
  • Likes 4
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?

Permaculture...picking the lock back to Eden since 1978.
Pics of my Forest Garden

 
Heather Sharpe
gardener
Posts: 828
Location: Central Indiana, zone 6a, clay loam
593
I like...
forest garden fungi foraging trees urban chicken medical herbs ungarbage
posted 4 years ago
  • Likes 8
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
There's no point asking Rick Astley if you can borrow his Pixar movies...cause he's never gonna give you Up.

“Action on behalf of life transforms. Because the relationship between self and the world is reciprocal, it is not a question of first getting enlightened or saved and then acting. As we work to heal the earth, the earth heals us.” ~ Robin Wall Kimmerer

 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 906
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
516
I like...
hugelkultur chicken seed homestead
posted 4 years ago
  • Likes 1
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Lady, (attending the Olympics): "Are you a Pole Vaulter?"
Norwegian: "No.... I'm a Norwegian... and my name ain't Valter."

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 906
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
516
I like...
hugelkultur chicken seed homestead
posted 4 years ago
  • Likes 2
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Old Norwegian sayiing:

No bad weather, just bad clothes.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
John F Dean
master steward
Posts: 7627
Location: southern Illinois, USA
2816
I like...
goat cat dog chicken composting toilet food preservation pig solar wood heat homestead composting
posted 4 years ago
  • Likes 6
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Never make snow angels in a dog park.

Some people age like fine wine. I aged like milk … sour and chunky.

 
John F Dean
master steward
Posts: 7627
Location: southern Illinois, USA
2816
I like...
goat cat dog chicken composting toilet food preservation pig solar wood heat homestead composting
posted 4 years ago
  • Likes 7
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Mississippi = the wife of a hippie

Some people age like fine wine. I aged like milk … sour and chunky.

 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 906
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
516
I like...
hugelkultur chicken seed homestead
posted 4 years ago
  • Likes 1
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Water is heavier than Butane

because

Butane is a lighter fluid.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 906
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
516
I like...
hugelkultur chicken seed homestead
posted 4 years ago
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Knock, Knock.

Who's there?

Artistic.

Artistic who?

Artistic out when we wear tight sweaters.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 906
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
516
I like...
hugelkultur chicken seed homestead
posted 4 years ago
  • Likes 7
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
100  years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars.
Today everyone has cars and only the rich have horses.
My, how the stables have turned.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Jan White
pollinator
Posts: 1455
Location: BC Interior, Zone 6-7
516
I like...
forest garden tiny house books
posted 4 years ago
  • Likes 4
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
How can you recognize an extroverted engineer?

They look at your shoes when they're talking.
 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 906
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
516
I like...
hugelkultur chicken seed homestead
posted 4 years ago
  • Likes 6
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Bigfoot is sometimes confused with Sasquatch.

Yeti never complains.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
John F Dean
master steward
Posts: 7627
Location: southern Illinois, USA
2816
I like...
goat cat dog chicken composting toilet food preservation pig solar wood heat homestead composting
posted 4 years ago
  • Likes 6
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Adam and Eve failed to read the Apple terms and conditions.

Some people age like fine wine. I aged like milk … sour and chunky.

 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 906
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
516
I like...
hugelkultur chicken seed homestead
posted 4 years ago
  • Likes 3
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
"Boy, I'm scared," a man said to one of his friends, "I got a letter from a guy who said he'd break my legs if I didn't stop seeing his wife."
"Well," replied his friend, "I guess you'll have to stop seeing his wife."
"Easy for you to say," the first guy said.
"You like her that much?" the friend asked.
"It's not that," declared the man, "He didn't sign his name."

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 906
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
516
I like...
hugelkultur chicken seed homestead
posted 4 years ago
  • Likes 8
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Jock, the painter, often would thin his paint so it would go further.
So when the Church decided to do some deferred maintenance, Jock was able to put in the low bid, and got the job. As always, he thinned his paint way down with turpentine.

One day while he was up on the scaffolding -- the job almost finished -- he heard a horrendous clap of thunder, and the sky opened.

The downpour washed the thinned paint off the church and knocked Jock off his scaffold and onto the lawn among the gravestones and puddles of thinned and worthless paint.

Jock knew this was a warning from the Almighty, so he got on his knees and cried: “Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?”

And from the thunder, a mighty voice: “REPAINT! REPAINT! AND THIN NO MORE!”

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Greg Martin
steward
Posts: 3488
Location: Maine, zone 5
2058
8
I like...
hugelkultur dog forest garden trees foraging food preservation cooking solar seed wood heat homestead
posted 4 years ago
  • Likes 5
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Do memory foam mattresses wish they could forget?

Permaculture...picking the lock back to Eden since 1978.
Pics of my Forest Garden

 
Greg Martin
steward
Posts: 3488
Location: Maine, zone 5
2058
8
I like...
hugelkultur dog forest garden trees foraging food preservation cooking solar seed wood heat homestead
posted 4 years ago
  • Likes 5
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
To the thief who took my antidepressants...I hope you’re happy!

Permaculture...picking the lock back to Eden since 1978.
Pics of my Forest Garden

 
Greg Martin
steward
Posts: 3488
Location: Maine, zone 5
2058
8
I like...
hugelkultur dog forest garden trees foraging food preservation cooking solar seed wood heat homestead
posted 4 years ago
  • Likes 3
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Cows have hooves because they lactose.

Permaculture...picking the lock back to Eden since 1978.
Pics of my Forest Garden

 
K Eilander
gardener
Posts: 527
Location: Rocky Mountains, USA
315
I like...
homeschooling forest garden building writing woodworking homestead
posted 4 years ago
  • Likes 4
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator

Dennis Barrow wrote:I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke.


I wanted to get a new lease on life,
but I went over the allotted mileage on the old one.



(The following actually happened.)

After a meal at a Chinese restaurant we were all given fortune cookies.  Mine had no fortune inside.  I told the waitress that it was very unFORTUNEate.

(She just gave me another one and walked away... but I like to think she was laughing on the inside.)

Be the shenanigans
you want to see in the world.

 
John F Dean
master steward
Posts: 7627
Location: southern Illinois, USA
2816
I like...
goat cat dog chicken composting toilet food preservation pig solar wood heat homestead composting
posted 4 years ago
  • Likes 1
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
My New Year resolution is going well.  I need to drop 25 pounds to reach my goal of losing 20 pounds.

Some people age like fine wine. I aged like milk … sour and chunky.

 
Sarah Elizabeth
pollinator
Posts: 276
Location: Northern temperate zone. Changeable maritime climate. 1000ft above sea level.
148
2
I like...
forest garden personal care books chicken food preservation cooking medical herbs writing homestead ungarbage
posted 4 years ago
  • Likes 2
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator

How many psychotherapists does it take to change a lightbulb?


None.  The lightbulb has to want to change..

“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit: Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. “ Brian Gerald O’Driscoll

 
Greg Martin
steward
Posts: 3488
Location: Maine, zone 5
2058
8
I like...
hugelkultur dog forest garden trees foraging food preservation cooking solar seed wood heat homestead
posted 4 years ago
  • Likes 3
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
I saw a baguette at the zoo....
it was bread in captivity.

Permaculture...picking the lock back to Eden since 1978.
Pics of my Forest Garden

 
Greg Martin
steward
Posts: 3488
Location: Maine, zone 5
2058
8
I like...
hugelkultur dog forest garden trees foraging food preservation cooking solar seed wood heat homestead
posted 4 years ago
  • Likes 4
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
I can tell if people are judgmental just by looking at them!

Permaculture...picking the lock back to Eden since 1978.
Pics of my Forest Garden

 
I'm THIS CLOSE to ruling the world! Right after reading this tiny ad:
Learn Permaculture through a little hard work
https://wheaton-labs.com/bootcamp
reply
reply
    Bookmark Topic Watch Topic
  • New Topic
Boost this thread!
Similar Threads
More...