Search...
Home Subscribe
Pie
Home Subscribe
Recent topics Flagged topics Hot topics Best topics
Search...
Search within meaningless drivel Search permies
Advanced search Google search
Register / Login
2023 Permac Adventure bundle Green Living Book bootcamp Better wood heat - rocket mass heaters Free heat movie
  • Post Reply Bookmark Topic Watch Topic
  • New Topic
permaculture forums growies critters building homesteading energy monies kitchen purity ungarbage community wilderness fiber arts art permaculture artisans regional education skip experiences global resources cider press projects digital market permies.com pie forums private forums all forums
2023 Permac Adventure bundle bootcamp WDG garden Free heat movie Green Living Book
this forum made possible by our volunteer staff, including ...
master stewards:
  • Carla Burke
  • Anne Miller
  • Nancy Reading
  • John F Dean
  • r ransom
  • paul wheaton
  • Timothy Norton
stewards:
  • Jay Angler
  • Pearl Sutton
  • Andrés Bernal
master gardeners:
  • Christopher Weeks
gardeners:
  • M Ljin
  • Thekla McDaniels
  • May Lotito

jokes

 
John F Dean
master steward
Posts: 9010
Location: southern Illinois, USA
3944
I like...
goat cat dog chicken composting toilet food preservation pig solar wood heat homestead composting
posted 1 month ago
  • Likes 10
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
A few years ago my youngest sister called me to say she was going to mime school.  I never heard from her again.

The First Axiom of Life: Don’t do dumb things.

 
Mike Haasl
steward
Posts: 16276
Location: Northern WI (zone 4)
5391
9
I like...
hunting trees books food preservation solar woodworking
posted 1 month ago
  • Likes 6
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Why is ET so short?

Cuz of his little legs..

I make a Maple Syrup instructional movie! Check it out HERE
SKIP books, get 'em while they're hot!!! Skills to Inherit Property
See me in a movie building a massive wood staircase:Low Tech Lab Movie

 
Phil Swindler
pollinator
Posts: 318
Location: Wichita, Kansas, United States
105
2
posted 1 month ago
  • Likes 7
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Did you hear about the nervous father who is pacing up and down in the hospital lobby waiting to hear about the birth of his first child? Finally, after several hours, the nurse arrives. The father runs up to her and asks, "Nurse, tell me, is it a boy?"

The nurse says calmly, "Well, the middle one is."

Your friend isn't always right and your enemy isn't always wrong.

 
Jay Angler
steward
Posts: 16493
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
11053
I like...
duck books chicken cooking food preservation ungarbage
posted 1 month ago
  • Likes 8
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
What do you call a grass-fed cow?  

A lawn moo-er.

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
Jay Angler
steward
Posts: 16493
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
11053
I like...
duck books chicken cooking food preservation ungarbage
posted 1 month ago
  • Likes 8
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
How do cows laugh?  

“Moo-haha.”

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
Matt McSpadden
gardener
Posts: 3337
Location: Central Maine (Zone 5a)
1929
I like...
homeschooling kids trees chicken food preservation building woodworking homestead
posted 1 month ago
  • Likes 10
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
I've been wondering about the people who ride on the trash trucks to collect the trash along the busy roads...

Do they get training for that?... or do they just pick it up along the way?

"When the whole world is running towards a cliff, he who is running in the opposite direction appears to have lost his mind." C.S. Lewis
Visit https://themaineingredient.com for organic, premium dried culinary herbs that are grown, processed, and packaged in the USA.

 
Pearl Sutton
steward & bricolagier
Posts: 16513
Location: SW Missouri
13150
2
I like...
goat cat fungi books chicken earthworks food preservation cooking building homestead ungarbage
posted 1 month ago
  • Likes 10
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
What do you get when a dinosaur kicks you in the ass?

A megasaurass….

Gardens in my mind never need water
Castles in the air never have a wet basement
Well made buildings are fractal -- equally intelligent design at every level of detail.
Bright sparks remind others that they too can dance
What I am looking for is looking for me too!

 
Pearl Sutton
steward & bricolagier
Posts: 16513
Location: SW Missouri
13150
2
I like...
goat cat fungi books chicken earthworks food preservation cooking building homestead ungarbage
posted 1 month ago
  • Likes 11
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
I went for an interview as a blacksmith.
They asked, Have you ever shoed a horse before?

I said, "No, but l've told a donkey to get off my lawn before."

Gardens in my mind never need water
Castles in the air never have a wet basement
Well made buildings are fractal -- equally intelligent design at every level of detail.
Bright sparks remind others that they too can dance
What I am looking for is looking for me too!

 
Phil Swindler
pollinator
Posts: 318
Location: Wichita, Kansas, United States
105
2
posted 1 month ago
  • Likes 12
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator

Your friend isn't always right and your enemy isn't always wrong.

 
Matt McSpadden
gardener
Posts: 3337
Location: Central Maine (Zone 5a)
1929
I like...
homeschooling kids trees chicken food preservation building woodworking homestead
posted 4 weeks ago
  • Likes 7
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Why did the pro golfer bring two pairs of pants with him whenever he was on the course?

... in case he got a hole in one!

"When the whole world is running towards a cliff, he who is running in the opposite direction appears to have lost his mind." C.S. Lewis
Visit https://themaineingredient.com for organic, premium dried culinary herbs that are grown, processed, and packaged in the USA.

 
Jay Angler
steward
Posts: 16493
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
11053
I like...
duck books chicken cooking food preservation ungarbage
posted 4 weeks ago
  • Likes 10
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
What do you get if you cross a cow and a rooster?  

Roost beef.

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
Jay Angler
steward
Posts: 16493
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
11053
I like...
duck books chicken cooking food preservation ungarbage
posted 4 weeks ago
  • Likes 8
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
A zookeeper couldn't get his snakes to breed.

The vet said he had a reptile dysfunction.

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
Pearl Sutton
steward & bricolagier
Posts: 16513
Location: SW Missouri
13150
2
I like...
goat cat fungi books chicken earthworks food preservation cooking building homestead ungarbage
posted 4 weeks ago
  • Likes 10
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Help me!!
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes!!
Now I have Heinzsight

Gardens in my mind never need water
Castles in the air never have a wet basement
Well made buildings are fractal -- equally intelligent design at every level of detail.
Bright sparks remind others that they too can dance
What I am looking for is looking for me too!

 
Jay Angler
steward
Posts: 16493
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
11053
I like...
duck books chicken cooking food preservation ungarbage
posted 4 weeks ago
  • Likes 12
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
A snake walks into a bar… and the bartender says, “How did you do that?”

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
Pearl Sutton
steward & bricolagier
Posts: 16513
Location: SW Missouri
13150
2
I like...
goat cat fungi books chicken earthworks food preservation cooking building homestead ungarbage
posted 3 weeks ago
  • Likes 10
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
They squared off, determined to fight it out. One guy pulls a shiny evil looking sword out, the spectators gasped!
The other didn't look intimidated at all, he reached down and pulled out a hunk of cheese, the spectators were stunned!
"How do you think you are going to fight me with a block of cheese?" "It's extra sharp!"

Gardens in my mind never need water
Castles in the air never have a wet basement
Well made buildings are fractal -- equally intelligent design at every level of detail.
Bright sparks remind others that they too can dance
What I am looking for is looking for me too!

 
Mike Haasl
steward
Posts: 16276
Location: Northern WI (zone 4)
5391
9
I like...
hunting trees books food preservation solar woodworking
posted 3 weeks ago
  • Likes 9
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
The person with the worst grades should get to do a graduation speech too.  I want to hear both sides.

I make a Maple Syrup instructional movie! Check it out HERE
SKIP books, get 'em while they're hot!!! Skills to Inherit Property
See me in a movie building a massive wood staircase:Low Tech Lab Movie

 
Pearl Sutton
steward & bricolagier
Posts: 16513
Location: SW Missouri
13150
2
I like...
goat cat fungi books chicken earthworks food preservation cooking building homestead ungarbage
posted 3 weeks ago
  • Likes 12
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
What's the hardest language to speak?


Sign language. No one has managed to speak it yet!

Gardens in my mind never need water
Castles in the air never have a wet basement
Well made buildings are fractal -- equally intelligent design at every level of detail.
Bright sparks remind others that they too can dance
What I am looking for is looking for me too!

 
Phil Swindler
pollinator
Posts: 318
Location: Wichita, Kansas, United States
105
2
posted 3 weeks ago
  • Likes 9
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
I had taken a rare day off from work and, having shed the corporate uniform, was dressed scruffily, with my hair in rollers. Glancing out my window, I saw a van blocking my driveway. Incensed, I flew to the door and told the driver to move it immediately.

About an hour later, all dressed up to go shopping, I was backing my car out of the driveway and noticed the driver standing on the sidewalk. A little embarrassed, I smiled and nodded hello. "Ma'am," he said to me. "I hope your grandmother is only visiting. She is one tough old cookie."

Your friend isn't always right and your enemy isn't always wrong.

 
Greg Martin
steward
Posts: 3594
Location: Maine, zone 5
2247
9
I like...
hugelkultur dog forest garden trees foraging food preservation cooking solar seed wood heat homestead
posted 3 weeks ago
  • Likes 12
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
My cell phone accidentally took a 10 minute video of my feet.

It was some great footage.

Permaculture...picking the lock back to Eden since 1978.
Pics of my Forest Garden

 
Pearl Sutton
steward & bricolagier
Posts: 16513
Location: SW Missouri
13150
2
I like...
goat cat fungi books chicken earthworks food preservation cooking building homestead ungarbage
posted 2 weeks ago
  • Likes 13
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
I think it is perfectly fine when I talk to myself, and perfectly fine when I answer myself.

What bugs me is when I have to ask myself to repeat what I said because I wasn't listening….

Gardens in my mind never need water
Castles in the air never have a wet basement
Well made buildings are fractal -- equally intelligent design at every level of detail.
Bright sparks remind others that they too can dance
What I am looking for is looking for me too!

 
Pearl Sutton
steward & bricolagier
Posts: 16513
Location: SW Missouri
13150
2
I like...
goat cat fungi books chicken earthworks food preservation cooking building homestead ungarbage
posted 2 weeks ago
  • Likes 14
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
If a bee is bothering you, don't swat at it or run away. Just stare at it.

Because seeing is bee leaving.

Gardens in my mind never need water
Castles in the air never have a wet basement
Well made buildings are fractal -- equally intelligent design at every level of detail.
Bright sparks remind others that they too can dance
What I am looking for is looking for me too!

 
John F Dean
master steward
Posts: 9010
Location: southern Illinois, USA
3944
I like...
goat cat dog chicken composting toilet food preservation pig solar wood heat homestead composting
posted 2 weeks ago
  • Likes 5
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Had a rough time last night.  I know I’m married and well past my prime, but I met the most stunning woman at the local bar.  She had a taser.

The First Axiom of Life: Don’t do dumb things.

 
Greg Martin
steward
Posts: 3594
Location: Maine, zone 5
2247
9
I like...
hugelkultur dog forest garden trees foraging food preservation cooking solar seed wood heat homestead
posted 2 weeks ago
  • Likes 8
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Why was the botanist afraid of the club moss?
Because it was built Lycophyta!

Permaculture...picking the lock back to Eden since 1978.
Pics of my Forest Garden

 
Sonny Root
Posts: 44
Location: Zone 4b Northwest Wisconsin
24
I like...
dog fungi foraging trees bike woodworking
posted 2 weeks ago
  • Likes 12
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
 
Sonny Root
Posts: 44
Location: Zone 4b Northwest Wisconsin
24
I like...
dog fungi foraging trees bike woodworking
posted 2 weeks ago
  • Likes 12
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders.
 
Sonny Root
Posts: 44
Location: Zone 4b Northwest Wisconsin
24
I like...
dog fungi foraging trees bike woodworking
posted 2 weeks ago
  • Likes 12
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
I'll never be as lazy as the person who named the fireplace.
 
Jay Angler
steward
Posts: 16493
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
11053
I like...
duck books chicken cooking food preservation ungarbage
posted 2 weeks ago
  • Likes 9
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
I don’t even know what to tell you about this divine bovine I just saw. I mean, holy cow…

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
Pearl Sutton
steward & bricolagier
Posts: 16513
Location: SW Missouri
13150
2
I like...
goat cat fungi books chicken earthworks food preservation cooking building homestead ungarbage
posted 1 week ago
  • Likes 13
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
I used to just crastinate, but then I got so good at it I went pro

Gardens in my mind never need water
Castles in the air never have a wet basement
Well made buildings are fractal -- equally intelligent design at every level of detail.
Bright sparks remind others that they too can dance
What I am looking for is looking for me too!

 
Pearl Sutton
steward & bricolagier
Posts: 16513
Location: SW Missouri
13150
2
I like...
goat cat fungi books chicken earthworks food preservation cooking building homestead ungarbage
posted 1 week ago
  • Likes 14
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
"Pre" means before. "Post" means after.
Using both at the same time would be preposterous!

Gardens in my mind never need water
Castles in the air never have a wet basement
Well made buildings are fractal -- equally intelligent design at every level of detail.
Bright sparks remind others that they too can dance
What I am looking for is looking for me too!

 
Jay Angler
steward
Posts: 16493
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
11053
I like...
duck books chicken cooking food preservation ungarbage
posted 1 week ago
  • Likes 12
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
What does a dragon call a bus full of people?

Meals on wheels.

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
Mike Haasl
steward
Posts: 16276
Location: Northern WI (zone 4)
5391
9
I like...
hunting trees books food preservation solar woodworking
posted 1 week ago
  • Likes 12
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
What did the cow say to the rancher?

Moo

I make a Maple Syrup instructional movie! Check it out HERE
SKIP books, get 'em while they're hot!!! Skills to Inherit Property
See me in a movie building a massive wood staircase:Low Tech Lab Movie

 
Mike Haasl
steward
Posts: 16276
Location: Northern WI (zone 4)
5391
9
I like...
hunting trees books food preservation solar woodworking
posted 1 week ago
  • Likes 13
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
What did the cow say to the butcher?

Moo

I make a Maple Syrup instructional movie! Check it out HERE
SKIP books, get 'em while they're hot!!! Skills to Inherit Property
See me in a movie building a massive wood staircase:Low Tech Lab Movie

 
Mike Haasl
steward
Posts: 16276
Location: Northern WI (zone 4)
5391
9
I like...
hunting trees books food preservation solar woodworking
posted 1 week ago
  • Likes 15
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
What did the cow say to the dentist?

Mmhoomoph

I make a Maple Syrup instructional movie! Check it out HERE
SKIP books, get 'em while they're hot!!! Skills to Inherit Property
See me in a movie building a massive wood staircase:Low Tech Lab Movie

 
Jay Angler
steward
Posts: 16493
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
11053
I like...
duck books chicken cooking food preservation ungarbage
posted 1 week ago
  • Likes 10
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
What do you get when you cross a cow and a goat?  

A coat.

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
Jay Angler
steward
Posts: 16493
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
11053
I like...
duck books chicken cooking food preservation ungarbage
posted 1 week ago
  • Likes 9
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
What do you call a snake who works for the government?

A civil serpent.

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
Evil is afoot. But this tiny ad is just an ad:
better than an outhouse, and can be indoors
https://www.richsoil.com/willow
reply
reply
    Bookmark Topic Watch Topic
  • New Topic
Boost this thread!
Similar Threads
More...