Search...
Home Subscribe
Pie
Home Subscribe
Recent topics Flagged topics Hot topics Best topics
Search...
Search within meaningless drivel Search permies
Advance search Google search
Register / Login
SKIP=SKills to Inherit Property PEP Permaculture Experience According to Paul
  • Post Reply Bookmark Topic Watch Topic
  • New Topic
permaculture forums growies critters building homesteading energy monies kitchen purity ungarbage community wilderness fiber arts art permaculture artisans regional education skip experiences global resources cider press projects digital market permies.com pie forums private forums all forums
SKills to inherit property Paul basket case Full online Permaculture Design course and Appropriate Technology Course video Permaculture bootcamp with people wielding tools thread boost Products built to last a lifetime
this forum made possible by our volunteer staff, including ...
master stewards:
  • Anne Miller
  • Pearl Sutton
  • Leigh Tate
  • Nicole Alderman
stewards:
  • paul wheaton
  • jordan barton
  • r ranson
master gardeners:
  • Carla Burke
  • Jay Angler
  • John F Dean
  • Nancy Reading
gardeners:
  • Mike Barkley
  • thomas rubino
  • Beau Davidson

jokes

 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 445
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
280
posted 2 months ago
  • Likes 7
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his:
Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out. "Business trip or pleasure?"
She turned, smiled and said. "Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked. “What’s your Business at this convention?"
“Lecturer." She responded. "I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
“Really?” He said. “And what kind of myths are there?”
“Well.” She explained. “One popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Mexican Descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. "I’m Sorry." She said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name."
"Tonto." The man said. "Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba." ...........

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Jay Angler
master gardener
Posts: 6868
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
3087
I like...
duck books chicken cooking food preservation ungarbage
posted 2 months ago
  • Likes 6
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
A Roman Legionnaire walks into a bar.

The bartender asks "What can I get you?" to which the Legionnaire replied: "A Martinum please".

The bartender looked puzzled, "Don't you mean a Martini?"

The legionnaire snapped back with "If I wanted a double I'd ask for one!"

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
Jay Angler
master gardener
Posts: 6868
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
3087
I like...
duck books chicken cooking food preservation ungarbage
posted 2 months ago
  • Likes 8
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Heard a rumor of a giant butterfly in London.  Probably just an urban moth.

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
Jay Angler
master gardener
Posts: 6868
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
3087
I like...
duck books chicken cooking food preservation ungarbage
posted 2 months ago
  • Likes 6
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
A friend has a bizarre fear of spiders in raincoats. Anorakaphobia.

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
K Eilander
pollinator
Posts: 283
Location: Rocky Mountains, USA
139
I like...
homeschooling forest garden building writing woodworking homestead
posted 2 months ago
  • Likes 5
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
An artist showed up at Ghengis Kahn's tent one day and offered to paint a portrait of him for 800 gold pieces.

The fellow was immediately hired, but when the day came for his sitting, the warlord found that the man had run off with all the money during the night.

Clearly he was a kahn-artist.

If you don't "know enough"... try anyway! (Cuz that's how you learn.)

 
John F Dean
master gardener
Posts: 4205
Location: southern Illinois, USA
1373
I like...
goat cat dog chicken composting toilet food preservation pig bee solar wood heat homestead
posted 1 month ago
  • Likes 11
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
I woke up at 2:00 AM and wrote down the greatest joke about sodium.  But when I read it this morning, I thought “NA”.

We live on Blue Planet that circles a ball of fire. Our Planet is circled by a Golden Moon that moves its oceans. Now tell me that you don’t believe in miracles....Unknown

 
John F Dean
master gardener
Posts: 4205
Location: southern Illinois, USA
1373
I like...
goat cat dog chicken composting toilet food preservation pig bee solar wood heat homestead
posted 1 month ago
  • Likes 7
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
I got fortunate and got a trip to Southern California.  One morning I was walking on the beach and found a breakfast waffle.   Yep.  It was a Sandy Eggo.

We live on Blue Planet that circles a ball of fire. Our Planet is circled by a Golden Moon that moves its oceans. Now tell me that you don’t believe in miracles....Unknown

 
John F Dean
master gardener
Posts: 4205
Location: southern Illinois, USA
1373
I like...
goat cat dog chicken composting toilet food preservation pig bee solar wood heat homestead
posted 1 month ago
  • Likes 9
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Never trust anyone who spells Gonorrhea correctly on the first try.

We live on Blue Planet that circles a ball of fire. Our Planet is circled by a Golden Moon that moves its oceans. Now tell me that you don’t believe in miracles....Unknown

 
John F Dean
master gardener
Posts: 4205
Location: southern Illinois, USA
1373
I like...
goat cat dog chicken composting toilet food preservation pig bee solar wood heat homestead
posted 1 month ago
  • Likes 6
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
If you must borrow money, always borrow from a pessimist.  They won’t expect it back.

We live on Blue Planet that circles a ball of fire. Our Planet is circled by a Golden Moon that moves its oceans. Now tell me that you don’t believe in miracles....Unknown

 
Mike Haasl
steward
Posts: 12815
Location: Northern WI (zone 4)
3602
3
I like...
hunting trees books food preservation solar woodworking
posted 1 month ago
  • Likes 10
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
To an optimist the glass is 1/2 full
To a pessimist the glass is 1/2 empty
To Excel the glass is January 2nd

Can't miss this one: 2022 PDC Event at Wheaton Labs
Join me at the 2022 SKIP Event at Wheaton Labs

 
Eric Thomas
pollinator
Posts: 174
Location: Northeast Oklahoma, Formerly Zone 6b, Now Officially Zone 7
43
I like...
dog chicken earthworks food preservation writing
posted 1 month ago
  • Likes 12
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Heisenberg, Schrodinger, and Ohm are driving in a car. Suddenly, they get pulled over. Heisenberg is driving and the cop asks him, "Do you know how fast you were going?" "No, but I know exactly where I am" Heisenberg replies. The cop says "You were doing 55 in a 35." Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts "Great! Now I'm lost!" The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to open the trunk. He checks the trunk and says, "Do you know you have a dead cat back here?" "We do now!" shouts Schrodinger, irritated. The cop decides to arrest them. Ohm resists.

“You meet your destiny on the road you take to avoid it.”
~ Carl Jung

 
John F Dean
master gardener
Posts: 4205
Location: southern Illinois, USA
1373
I like...
goat cat dog chicken composting toilet food preservation pig bee solar wood heat homestead
posted 1 month ago
  • Likes 5
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Back in my college days I ran into this really awkward kid at a coffee house.  He was a poet of sorts, but like I said, he was really backward.  He wrote inverse.

We live on Blue Planet that circles a ball of fire. Our Planet is circled by a Golden Moon that moves its oceans. Now tell me that you don’t believe in miracles....Unknown

 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 445
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
280
posted 1 month ago
  • Likes 8
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
a guy asked me at the store if I know where Engagement Ohio is.
I said it is between Dayton and Marion.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
John F Dean
master gardener
Posts: 4205
Location: southern Illinois, USA
1373
I like...
goat cat dog chicken composting toilet food preservation pig bee solar wood heat homestead
posted 1 month ago
  • Likes 6
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
I’ve been posting a lot of puns lately.  I tried to come up with one about a carpenter, but I don’t have it nailed yet.

We live on Blue Planet that circles a ball of fire. Our Planet is circled by a Golden Moon that moves its oceans. Now tell me that you don’t believe in miracles....Unknown

 
John F Dean
master gardener
Posts: 4205
Location: southern Illinois, USA
1373
I like...
goat cat dog chicken composting toilet food preservation pig bee solar wood heat homestead
posted 1 month ago
  • Likes 5
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
For breakfast, or anytime, a boiled egg is hard to beat.

We live on Blue Planet that circles a ball of fire. Our Planet is circled by a Golden Moon that moves its oceans. Now tell me that you don’t believe in miracles....Unknown

 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 445
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
280
posted 1 month ago
  • Likes 4
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
I just asked myself if I am crazy.......... we all said no.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
John F Dean
master gardener
Posts: 4205
Location: southern Illinois, USA
1373
I like...
goat cat dog chicken composting toilet food preservation pig bee solar wood heat homestead
posted 1 month ago
  • Likes 5
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
I walked into this really old French restaurant. Frankly, it gave me the crepes.

We live on Blue Planet that circles a ball of fire. Our Planet is circled by a Golden Moon that moves its oceans. Now tell me that you don’t believe in miracles....Unknown

 
John F Dean
master gardener
Posts: 4205
Location: southern Illinois, USA
1373
I like...
goat cat dog chicken composting toilet food preservation pig bee solar wood heat homestead
posted 1 month ago
  • Likes 7
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Speaking of old, my recliner and me go way back.

We live on Blue Planet that circles a ball of fire. Our Planet is circled by a Golden Moon that moves its oceans. Now tell me that you don’t believe in miracles....Unknown

 
John F Dean
master gardener
Posts: 4205
Location: southern Illinois, USA
1373
I like...
goat cat dog chicken composting toilet food preservation pig bee solar wood heat homestead
posted 1 month ago
  • Likes 5
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
I was at a meeting last evening. A bunch of poopy heads there told me to stop being childish.

We live on Blue Planet that circles a ball of fire. Our Planet is circled by a Golden Moon that moves its oceans. Now tell me that you don’t believe in miracles....Unknown

 
Jay Angler
master gardener
Posts: 6868
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
3087
I like...
duck books chicken cooking food preservation ungarbage
posted 1 month ago
  • Likes 7
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
I saw a spider on my computer keyboard earlier, but not to worry. It’s under Ctrl.

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
Jay Angler
master gardener
Posts: 6868
Location: Pacific Wet Coast
3087
I like...
duck books chicken cooking food preservation ungarbage
posted 1 month ago
  • Likes 9
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Was going to buy an exotic spider from the pet shop, then I realized I could get one cheaper on the web.

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
James Alun
pollinator
Posts: 121
Location: Currently south Wales (the old one!)
56
3
I like...
cat dog tiny house books bike solar woodworking ungarbage
posted 1 month ago
  • Likes 2
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Seance?

I went to one once, and the woman holding it laughed, so I hit her.  I always like to strike a happy medium.

Learning slowly...

 
John F Dean
master gardener
Posts: 4205
Location: southern Illinois, USA
1373
I like...
goat cat dog chicken composting toilet food preservation pig bee solar wood heat homestead
posted 1 month ago
  • Likes 4
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Nobody is perfect.
I am nobody.
Therefore, I am perfect.

We live on Blue Planet that circles a ball of fire. Our Planet is circled by a Golden Moon that moves its oceans. Now tell me that you don’t believe in miracles....Unknown

 
Mike Haasl
steward
Posts: 12815
Location: Northern WI (zone 4)
3602
3
I like...
hunting trees books food preservation solar woodworking
posted 1 month ago
  • Likes 7
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
If nothing is better than sex,
and a baloney sandwich is better than nothing.....

Can't miss this one: 2022 PDC Event at Wheaton Labs
Join me at the 2022 SKIP Event at Wheaton Labs

 
Cam Haslehurst
pollinator
Posts: 266
Location: Northern Ontario, Canada
132
I like...
goat dog gear books bike building
posted 1 month ago
  • Likes 8
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Just saw this in one of my gardening facebook groups
early-bird.jpg
[Thumbnail for early-bird.jpg]

See where I lived in summer 2021 to learn about permaculture: https://permiemilkmaid.wixsite.com/my-site
My journal: https://permies.com/t/160807/Stone-Baerm-Adventures

 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 445
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
280
posted 1 month ago
  • Likes 6
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
If I ever go missing,
I want my picture to go on beer bottles
instead of milk cartons.
That way my friends will know I am missing.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
John F Dean
master gardener
Posts: 4205
Location: southern Illinois, USA
1373
I like...
goat cat dog chicken composting toilet food preservation pig bee solar wood heat homestead
posted 1 month ago
  • Likes 6
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
I bought some cured ham.  Now I am asking myself if it is smart to eat  any ham if it had been diseased.

We live on Blue Planet that circles a ball of fire. Our Planet is circled by a Golden Moon that moves its oceans. Now tell me that you don’t believe in miracles....Unknown

 
John F Dean
master gardener
Posts: 4205
Location: southern Illinois, USA
1373
I like...
goat cat dog chicken composting toilet food preservation pig bee solar wood heat homestead
posted 1 month ago
  • Likes 6
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
If you consider that we are buying liquid, exploding dinosaurs..... gas is pretty cheap.

We live on Blue Planet that circles a ball of fire. Our Planet is circled by a Golden Moon that moves its oceans. Now tell me that you don’t believe in miracles....Unknown

 
John F Dean
master gardener
Posts: 4205
Location: southern Illinois, USA
1373
I like...
goat cat dog chicken composting toilet food preservation pig bee solar wood heat homestead
posted 1 month ago
  • Likes 5
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Stressed is desserts spelled backwards.

We live on Blue Planet that circles a ball of fire. Our Planet is circled by a Golden Moon that moves its oceans. Now tell me that you don’t believe in miracles....Unknown

 
John F Dean
master gardener
Posts: 4205
Location: southern Illinois, USA
1373
I like...
goat cat dog chicken composting toilet food preservation pig bee solar wood heat homestead
posted 1 month ago
  • Likes 5
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
I forgot to pay my exorcist.  Now I’ve been repossessed.

We live on Blue Planet that circles a ball of fire. Our Planet is circled by a Golden Moon that moves its oceans. Now tell me that you don’t believe in miracles....Unknown

 
John F Dean
master gardener
Posts: 4205
Location: southern Illinois, USA
1373
I like...
goat cat dog chicken composting toilet food preservation pig bee solar wood heat homestead
posted 1 month ago
  • Likes 4
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.

We live on Blue Planet that circles a ball of fire. Our Planet is circled by a Golden Moon that moves its oceans. Now tell me that you don’t believe in miracles....Unknown

 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 445
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
280
posted 1 month ago
  • Likes 7
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 445
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
280
posted 1 month ago
  • Likes 4
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
I think I am, therefore, I am … I think.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 445
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
280
posted 1 month ago
  • Likes 8
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
Posts: 445
Location: 10 miles NW of Helena Montana
280
posted 1 month ago
  • Likes 7
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
Some people have no idea what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
K Eilander
pollinator
Posts: 283
Location: Rocky Mountains, USA
139
I like...
homeschooling forest garden building writing woodworking homestead
posted 1 month ago
  • Likes 9
  • Mark post as helpful
  • send pies
    Number of slices to send:
    Optional 'thank-you' note:
    Send
  • Quote
  • Report post to moderator
In my opinion you should go to the doctor when you need stitches instead of attempting it at home... but hey, suture self.

If you don't "know enough"... try anyway! (Cuz that's how you learn.)

 
If you were a tree, what sort of tree would you be? This tiny ad is a poop beast.
Together Resilient by Ma'ikwe Ludwig
https://permies.com/wiki/112141/Resilient-Ma-ikwe-Ludwig
reply
reply
    Bookmark Topic Watch Topic
  • New Topic
Boost this thread!
Similar Threads
More...