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jokes

 
Greg Martin
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Roses are red, Mondays are hard. I’m not good at poetry. COFFEE.

(ok, I'm better now)

Permaculture...picking the lock back to Eden since 1978.
Pics of my Forest Garden

 
Robyn Lee
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What is white & crawls up your leg?

Uncle Ben's Perverted Rice

"she is a wilderness that you cannot learn in a day. you must become lost in her and go a little mad." JmStorm

 
John F Dean
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Ok, a farmer from Minnesota was out in his field when……. Wait a second …..weird….I just found a suppository in my ear!!!     Now, where did I put my hearing aid…

I want to be 15 again …so I can ruin my life differently.

 
Jay Angler
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What do you tell a pig on February 14?

Happy Valen-swine's Day!

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Matt McSpadden
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Row, row, row your boat,
gently under the stream
Ha, ha, I fooled you,
it's a submarine!

"When the whole world is running towards a cliff, he who is running in the opposite direction appears to have lost his mind." C.S. Lewis
Visit https://themaineingredient.com for organic, premium dried culinary herbs that are grown, processed, and packaged in the USA.

 
Pearl Sutton
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I hate to brag, but I just filled up the gas tank and doubled the value of my car!

Gardens in my mind never need water
Castles in the air never have a wet basement
Well made buildings are fractal -- equally intelligent design at every level of detail.
Bright sparks remind others that they too can dance
What I am looking for is looking for me too!

 
Pearl Sutton
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Good advice: if you are being chased by a pack of taxidermists, do not play dead.

Gardens in my mind never need water
Castles in the air never have a wet basement
Well made buildings are fractal -- equally intelligent design at every level of detail.
Bright sparks remind others that they too can dance
What I am looking for is looking for me too!

 
Carla Burke
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I took our priest a dozen eggs, this weekend - as our annual tithes.

Whoah!! Check out this permie deal!! https://permies.com/w/homesteading-bundle?f=232
"The only thing...more expensive than education is ignorance."~Ben Franklin. "We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light." ~ Plato

 
Carla Burke
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Do you know why skunks celebrate Valentine's Day?



      Because they're... scent-i-mental.





(Don't hit me! Not the face! Not the face!)

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"The only thing...more expensive than education is ignorance."~Ben Franklin. "We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light." ~ Plato

 
K Eilander
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I don't know who decided to spell February with an "r".

But my gut says it must be the same joker who put the "d" in Wednesday.

Be the shenanigans
you want to see in the world.

 
Dennis Barrow
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A young boy is listening to the radio in the car with his father. "Dad, what music did you like growing up?"
"I was a huge fan of Led Zeppelin" the father replies.
"Who?" the son asks.
"Yeah," the dad responds, "I liked them too."

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Dennis Barrow
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Soup is Witchcraft!

We put plants, spices and dead animals into a cauldron and follow instructions from a book written by old people.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Dennis Barrow
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I am a survivalist.
I can adapt to any situation.
I drank my morning coffee out of a soup bowl because there were no clean cups.
I thrive!

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
r ransom
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What did the Swede say to the other Swede after seeing a wolf?

I don’t know, I don’t speak Swedish. Probably something like, “Look, a wolf.”

how permies works
homegrown linen | crazy chicken lady grows yarn!

 
Dennis Barrow
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A Chef said:
Where there's fat there's flavor.
I know he was talking about food, but I still took it as a compliment.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
John F Dean
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It finally dawned on me that with the Teslas and other self driving vehicles hitting the market ….  Well, I’m waiting for the country song about some guy’s pickup truck leaving him.

I want to be 15 again …so I can ruin my life differently.

 
Carla Burke
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.
328667103_5803943383057453_7221373967069846175_n.jpg
[Thumbnail for 328667103_5803943383057453_7221373967069846175_n.jpg]

Whoah!! Check out this permie deal!! https://permies.com/w/homesteading-bundle?f=232
"The only thing...more expensive than education is ignorance."~Ben Franklin. "We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light." ~ Plato

 
Jay Angler
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Did you hear how they caught the great produce bandit?


He stopped to take a leek.

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Jay Angler
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What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory?


All that was left was de brie.

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Dennis Barrow
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Do you know what Sin City is?
Yes, it's Las Vegas.
Well, do you know what Den City is?
No.
Mass over volume.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Dennis Barrow
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why?
To get to the idiot's house.
Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
K Eilander
gardener
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When bears get married, do they exchange bearings?

Be the shenanigans
you want to see in the world.

 
Dennis Barrow
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I don't pretend to be something I'm not.
Exept normal.  I've pretended to be normal a few times.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Dennis Barrow
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I used to think drinking was bad for me....

So I gave up thinking.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Kenneth Elwell
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Give a man a fish, he will eat for a day.
Teach him to be a fish monger, he will become sell-some-fishes.

Nails are sold by the pound, that makes sense.
Soluna Garden Farm -- Flower CSA -- plants, and cut flowers at our farm.

 
Mike Haasl
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What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?    Their middle name

I make a Maple Syrup instructional movie! Check it out HERE
SKIP books, get 'em while they're hot!!! Skills to Inherit Property
See me in a movie building a massive wood staircase:Low Tech Lab Movie

 
Mike Haasl
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The other day I spotted an albino dalmation.  It was the least I could do.

I make a Maple Syrup instructional movie! Check it out HERE
SKIP books, get 'em while they're hot!!! Skills to Inherit Property
See me in a movie building a massive wood staircase:Low Tech Lab Movie

 
John F Dean
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My wife took me salsa dancing.  I thought I would never get those tomato stains out of my clothes.

I want to be 15 again …so I can ruin my life differently.

 
John F Dean
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When I went out to feed the pigs this morning all but one ran up to me with the usual grunting and snorting.   I watched him for a while as he stood off in the far corner of the lot. Then I realized, he was disgruntled.

I want to be 15 again …so I can ruin my life differently.

 
Dennis Barrow
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I ran out of coffee today.
Tequila seemed a reasonable replacement.
Everyone is so pretty today!

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Dennis Barrow
pollinator
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Me:  "I am surprised by how winded I am from this exercise."

Trainer:  "That was just a tour of the gym."

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Dennis Barrow
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If the earth was flat, cats would have pushed everything off it by now.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Greg Martin
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Dennis Barrow wrote:If the earth was flat, cats would have pushed everything off it by now.


Well....I am still looking for that sock....

Permaculture...picking the lock back to Eden since 1978.
Pics of my Forest Garden

 
John F Dean
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I’ve been told that as I get older I can’t expect things to work as well, but things are really beginning to click for me …my jaw, my fingers, my knees …

I want to be 15 again …so I can ruin my life differently.

 
John F Dean
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I certainly do not have a problem with coffee.  I have a problem without it.

I want to be 15 again …so I can ruin my life differently.

 
Jay Angler
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I went to a lousy bar called the Fiddler. It was a vile inn.

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
How permies.com works: https://permies.com/wiki/34193/permies-works-links-threads

 
Jay Angler
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Getting my kite stuck in a tree is not one of my favourite childhood memories.

But it’s definitely up there.

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Jay Angler
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What happens when you stand between two llamas?

You get llamanated.

Visit Redhawk's soil series: https://permies.com/wiki/redhawk-soil
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Dennis Barrow
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I went to the beekeeper to get 12 bees. He counted and gave me 13.
"Sir, you gave me an extra."
"That's a freebie."

What do you call the secret organization of tight-lipped Soviet honey makers?
The Cagey Bees

Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs.

What do honeybees do in the winter? They do what anyone smart would do; they snuggle with their honey!

My friend is a beekeeper who comes from a long line of beekeepers.
He comes from old honey.

What is the last thing to go through a bee’s mind when it hits a windshield? Its stinger.

Real funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes!

 
Thanks tiny ad, for helping me escape the terrible comfort of this chair.
Learn Permaculture through a little hard work
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